Leaders: here are 3 key short-term supporters

During my 25+ years working with leaders, many have expressed how lonely they feel in their leadership position. Faced with huge roles and responsibilities and far reaching mandates, it is understandable to feel overwhelmed and isolated. Particularly the more senior you are.

Operating in this context, some leaders don’t know where to turn and are reluctant to ask for support.  You may feel like you have to figure it out all by yourself. It maybe to avoid feeling vulnerable.  Maybe a feeling of lack of time. Or not wanting to ‘bother’ someone else.

During these significant moments, it is a good idea to have particular people who can help you on your way. To think differently. And get fresh perspectives. To help you remember your fuller potential.

Engaging with these people only needs to be short term. But they can be fundamental in giving you just the right impetus to spring forward.

Such as these 3

In order of increasing depth and possibility:

1. A mentor. Often, but not always, an older and more experienced person. Or one with a different knowledge or expertise within or outside the organisation.  The role is focused on sharing what they know. They can be a useful ‘sparring partner’ to bounce ideas off. Usually around what to do. The world is full of them.
2. A coach. Not necessarily from the same business/sector/expertise but whose purpose is to help you raise your own consciousness and explore your own solutions. From making sense of your current reality to future aspirations, the coach will help you reflect on your leadership.
3. A psychotherapist/psychologist.  Usually independent and there to go deeper into the workings of our minds. To explore why we think and do what we do. The role is focused on helping us to uncover ingrained beliefs and patterns. More often than not, going back into our childhood experiences.

These 3 may overlap

There may be mentors who will use a coaching style. There may be coaches who offer specific advice.  Coaches or mentors may be trained in psychology or/and psychotherapy.  But essentially each will be clear as to what they can and cannot offer. And in their own style, they will be your cheerleader, mirror and guide.

For example, the high flying women executive, who is professionally and personally interested in human development.  She has a mentor in the FCMG business she is in. And at the moment, our coaching sessions are focused on working with emotions in an intelligent way.  Covid19 brought up patterns of anxiety, that until then she was able to manage with her well used strategies.  I am sure, at some point, she will want to take a deeper investigation into these patterns with a ‘third supporter’.

Third supporter might be the most scary

I know from my own experience;  it took a while to want to engage a ‘3^rd supporter’.  And I am a coach, with a career in helping people develop.  Partly it was a cultural stigma around mental health, that you ‘sort yourself out’.  And the cost of such therapy. Fortunately, I had a positive experience of psychology through working with sports psychologists and sportspeople at Lane4. Those who positively demonstrated what was possible and the performance advantage of mental toughness.   And as the Buddhist saying goes, ‘when the student is ready, the teacher will appear’.  For my own evolution, I knew I had to consciously explore the shadow side of myself. Through a vision quest, I got to meet and subsequently work with an experiential depth psychotherapist (Here I am interviewing him on the #earthconversepodcast ). His whole person and nature-based approach helped me see the dark workings of the mind, as a soul journey. All resulting in me feeling more connected with myself, others and the world.

Gates into consciousness

Many leaders balk at the idea of being mentored, let alone coached.  However, I predict this will change. And I believe we will progressively see a willingness and openness amongst leaders to engage with, and talk about working with psychotherapists and psychologists. With the growing interest in neurological science and conscious leadership, not to mention appreciation of a systemic wholeness approach to wellbeing.

And increasingly there are ways to help us ‘lean’ into going deeper into our minds, in a safe, accessible and affordable way. The likes of audio journey Nine Gates is a case in point.  Offered as a mindful journey into the darkness of the ego, it beautifully explores 9 different mindsets or ego states that can hold us back from realising our full potential. In the comfort of your own home, you can investigate the dark side of ‘wanting to do well’ in life.

Leadership is an act of courage

Part of that courage is to know how to seek support. To be prepared to take a deep dive into that ‘inner place’ from which we operate. And to evolve further as conscious leaders.

It sounds like it could be one of those ‘3 people walk into a bar’ joke. But it’s not.

One will help you figure out what you need to do.

The other will help you figure out what and how you think.

And the other will help you figure out why you think like you do.

Each unfolding will reveal greater understanding and solutions for you.

You just have to figure out who you will engage with, and when.