“May we care about becoming loving more than anything else in life” (David Richo)

San Valentino, a third century Roman, whose name we take to observe 14 February,  might have agreed.

Certainly the motivational writer Susan Jeffers, whose mission was to help us face our fears and do it anyway, did.

She urged us to focus on the higher purpose of our relationships. That being, to help us learn to become more loving.

Our best workshop

Our best workshop, our relationship, or the lack of one, provides rich fertile ground. For us to learn how to be that more powerful and loving person.

As she pointed out, we don’t have to be in a relationship or wait for our partner to want to work on the relationship. We can work fruitfully and joyfully on our own.

In fact because, our mind controls so much of the quality of our relationships and our life, the only logical place is to start with ourselves. To start cleaning our own mind. And explore our own thought patterns and beliefs.

A way to do this?

Pick up the mirror instead of the magnifying glass

By doing this, we come face to face with our own self-imposed obstacles. And blind spots. To replace them with new found awareness and positive habits.

As many a wise person has alluded to and which was eloquently and convincingly captured by Gandhi, “we must become the change we want to see”.

If we want a partner to have certain qualities, we have to challenge ourselves. To what extent do we ourselves embody those very qualities?.   If we want a partner to be interesting, sensual, appreciative, caring, courageous and open, we have to ask ourselves. What are we doing to be interesting, sensual, appreciative, caring, courageous and open?  We have to go about developing those exact qualities we search in our mate, in ourselves.

And of course, this is not confined to romantic relationships. All our relationships provide an opportunity for us to become more loving. As leaders, if we want our followers to be creative and collaborative. And compassionate.  We have to cultivate those characteristics in ourselves.

And of course, looking within and working on these new habits and qualities takes….PRACTISE, PRACTISE, PRACTISE.

May you enjoy practising on Valentine’s Day. And every other day.


  • Richo, D, (2002), How To Be An Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boston, Massachusetts. P. 155
  • A tribute to love and the late Susan Jeffers who passed away in 27th October 2012.   Jeffers, S (2005), The Feel The Fear Guide to Lasting Love, Vermilion.  (specific pieces from pages 44, 53,  72, 222)  http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/index.cfm
  • Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash
Post Share

Leave a Reply

Notify of