Of all the unlimited and individual ways we can reset and resource ourselves – perhaps one of the most difficult is to do nothing.
It seems like we will do anything to do something, rather than do nothing. We act, often driven by a desire to curb a stirring anxiety in order to feel safe, worthy or connected. Under the illusion that if we do something it will make things better, we take action. We move, speak, consume, decide, use social media, make that call, send that email. Anything.
Jon Kabat-Zinn, who has been fundamental in bringing mindfulness to the West so beautifully plays on a familiar action slogan. To say “don’t just do something, sit there”.
It seems that sooner or later, even if we are forced to do nothing through illness, circumstance or the like, we learn that we need to learn to stop and sit with what is. Like the meditation retreats I go on where the primary instruction is ‘do nothing, perfectly’, it takes some doing. Your mind starts wandering. It flicks between ruminating on the past or speculating about the future. Rather than staying aware with non-judgement, you find yourself evaluating and assessing each sensation. Like, don’t like, hate. You grasp onto thoughts as if they were the fixed truth. Your mind rushes from one to the next. It desperately tries to solve problems.
You don’t have to sit on a meditation cushion to know this feeling. And you don’t have to do meditation as a practice. It is learning to be present. To lean into the stillness and silence. And notice if an old fear or familiar trigger rises. And choosing not to act on it but to observe it with self compassion. Especially in those challenging times. When you are feeling stressed. And wanting things to be a certain way. Or when you are in the grip of something. If in those times, we can ‘do nothing – perfectly’, even for a split second, we can find new ways to reset and resource.
As a partner, as a friend, as a colleague, to ‘do nothing perfectly’ can be the ultimate in acceptance. Other times it simply gives each other space, time and energy to gain perspective.
As a coach, to ‘do nothing perfectly’ can be just the thing to create the necessary shift within the coaching relationship. To help the coachee move deeper into self-awareness and resourcefulness.
As a leader, to learn to ‘do nothing perfectly’ helps us to lead in this VUCA world. Of volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity. It may mean we get courageous to challenge the status quo. Or get skilful at being utterly in the presence of our direct report. Giving them our full attention. It may mean being more comfortable in encouraging silence as a collective. Even on virtual team calls. It may be about letting go and standing back from your own agenda. To reconnect with a deeper wisdom.
Indeed, what relationship, leadership dilemma or political decision has not benefited from taking up Lao-Tzu’s challenge..
Do you have the patience to wait
Till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
Till the right action arises by itself?